RDH - We’re Just So Busy These Days (You Know How It Is)

We’re Just So Busy These Days (You Know How It Is)

February 25, 2007

I don't remember if it was this way for my parents, but I don't think it quite was. My parents never had to check their electronic mail, not even once. Also, they didn't have an answering machine to worry about. The most sophisticated little communication scenario that I remember from childhood is when my father told my older sister that if there was an emergency (my sister was babysitting the rest of us), she should call such and such a number and tell them to "page Dr. Harper." Apparently, the paging was to be done without recourse to any sort of beeping device.

So yes, my parents were busy, but they weren't that busy.

This theme—which, if you haven't guessed by now, is something along the lines of "modern annoyances and the oxymoronic nature of convenience (and the paradox of labor-saving devices)"—has been covered elsewhere, in excruciating detail, by academicians and journalists, and I won't bore you with the details here. Instead, let's get right down to the truth: i.e., that when people say they are so busy it is because they have a diminished sense of what it means to live.

The Key to Living Well: Scale Back to the Essentials

I like numbered lists because they can sort things out rather quickly and because they appear to apply a bit of logic to things that are otherwise only a matter of opinion. So here's a numbered list, designed to help today's busy people become just plain people once again:

1. Don't spend any time on your computer unless you are (a) entertaining yourself because it is more fulfilling to be entertaining yourself at that particular moment than to be outside walking or swimming or lying in bed reading, and you have all your chores done for the day or are purely just killing time that you have to kill, (b) getting paid for work or communicating on a paid basis for work or soliciting work, or (c) writing to close family members or close friends for the sake of furthering valuable relationships.

2. Don't schedule a lot of things that can be done only because you can drive all over the place to get people from one place to another. This is bad for the environment and puts you and your children, if any, at increased risk of injury or death.

3. Make sure that when you are not working, you are playing or relaxing. If you have chores to do, make sure you do them deliberately and with an eye to getting them done without any elaborate attention to detail or thoroughness. Remember, chores are a necessary evil; keep them to a minimum.

4. Avoid saying things like, "We've been really busy these days," or "You know how it is, just keeping busy." In fact, avoid the word "busy" if you can. It usually means something like, "I have a lot of guilt about what I think I should be accomplishing every day because the computer and the automobile give me, on the one hand, a false sense of the amount of data that I can understand and process and the numbers of people I can stay in touch with and, on the other, an inflated understanding of my own power to be in several places practically at once." Worse, if you use the word "busy" with a relative or friend, you are saying, more or less, "I just don't know how it happened, but time flies by, and I thought I might have time for you, but I don't, so though it would be nice if I did have time for you, you're not high on my list of priorities, and though we may catch up one of these days, we may not, so don't hold your breath."

5. Remember that, especially past the age of twenty-five, it becomes more and more difficult for all but the biggest social butterflies to make new friends. Don't make the mistake of chasing after all sorts of people in hopes of making new connections, and don't wear yourself out trying to chase after and catch up to old ones that have dropped out of the picture unless you're absolutely sure that their dropping out of the picture was a huge mistake that both parties would go back and undo if they could. Your time is running out; use it wisely. Start with the friends that have stuck around and allow new ones to come into your life purely by the force of circumstances. That way, you know that your friends are either (a) loyal, or (b) attracted to you just because and not because you "kept after" them.

6. If you read books or listen to music, keep in mind that Moore's Law, as exciting as it may be, does not apply to you: you cannot download these things into your brain. Don't, therefore, assume that you have unlimited time to "sample" all the major and minor treasures that the world has—often with an extraordinary investment of thought (think Proust) or thanks to the chemistry inherent in a peculiar and unrepeatable intersection of time and place and technology, and through the action of particular individuals (think Beatles or, if they're not to your taste, anything else that is)—put together for the benefit of all mankind. Don't worry, until at least the next stage of human evolution, the pressure's off: you will never get to all that the world has to offer—not even if you're Harold Bloom. So pick up a book or listen to music if you want to, but don't look ahead to what's next or rush to finish anything: anything you read or hear could be the last, and someday it will be.

"But I like keeping busy." If that's true, great. The comments in this article are designed primarily for those of us who, not to put too fine a point on it, fantasize about never having to work again.

7. Don't keep pets unless you have a passion for caring for them. Pets are a lot of work. Consider freeing up your time by not having one. Dogs, especially, require a lot of attention and maintenance and cleaning up after. If you like taking them outside to do their business—or, better yet, if you live on many acres of land suitable for letting the dog out on its own terms, great. But if not, don't be a martyr.

8. Stand by your principles and don't do unnecessary things. If, for example, someone's relative dies, and you don't feel like going and "paying your respects," by all means, don't. Leave that sort of thing to people whose primary mode of living is to go on such missions or whose standing in the community depends on doing that sort of thing (politicians, for example).

9. If you have kids, consider having just a few—especially if you're not especially interested in caring for kids. But if you either (a) love having kids around all the time and getting involved in all their activities, or (b) can afford nannies and boarding school or at least the luxury of one stay-at-home parent, then of course that's great for you. But if you are having one or more kids simply to make your own parents happy or to prove your fertility, you might want to rethink your decision.

10. Don't work too hard unless you are getting very rich by so doing and plan to stop as soon as you've got enough to live quite comfortably. Don't be fooled by the idea of progress, the American work ethic, or any one of the many things that have been invoked in order to keep people hard at work. Remember that so-called progress has resulted in an unprecedented wave of new babies who are eating up unsustainable numbers of fish and cows and who require so much work and demand so many plastic novelties that nobody has any time to enjoy life anymore. Even those who are super rich are usually too busy figuring out how to save the planet to live any kind of truly grand life.

I think that covers the basics. I should bring this article to an end. I'd like to cover more ground, but I know that you, like me, are probably pretty busy right now.