Silly Ideas: 2007

The year 2007—especially from an American perspective—was one of the least important years in history. Nothing truly new and interesting happened. No new sports emerged; no new rock stars; no titans of classical composition; no movie stars in the larger-than-life sense of the word; no new types of food; no medical breakthroughs. That's not to discount human activity altogether, though. After all, personal computers got faster for maybe the thirtieth year in a row, and busy programmers and engineers (with help from miners, drillers, and refiners—not to mention advertisers and other creative types) managed to deliver more content than ever. Today's televisual versions of the Walkman hold more information than ever, so there's no excuse for not taking a huge chunk of twentieth-century culture with you wherever you go. The only puzzle remains the personal wheelchair. Will it be possible to give everyone the individual mobility they deserve without eating up the planet's energy reserves? What do you think?

If I were rich I would spend more money. If I had more money, I'd spend at least some of it. (More . . .)

The elections of 2008 might help to change things slightly. At the next U.S. presidential elections, Americans will almost certainly choose someone new. (More . . .)

NASCAR is the ideal venue for commemorating the achievements of the twentieth century. NASCAR, now nearly as popular as American football, is the perfect sport for a country that needs to celebrate its past glory as an industrial and military powerhouse and its legacy as the automobile capital of the world. (More . . .)

Nature, though pretty, is an impediment to human life. Human beings, purportedly so fond of the natural world, actually do far better with less flora and fauna and more furniture and flooring. (More . . .)

Hipsters might cease feeling cool once they become older and/or less than completely attractive. An exclusive interview with a recent hipster reveals some of the pitfalls of the phenomenon. (More . . .)

American football, even more than baseball, embodies the spirit of the United States. America's signature pastime is football, the one sport in which other nations will probably never be willing to outdo us. (More . . .)

Personal computers, coming of age as convenient home entertainment centers, have failed to live up to their promise in other areas, new study finds. The results of a comprehensive new empirical study are in: your PC is only good insofar as it can play movies and music. (More . . .)

Convenient food choices are the key to the modern version of the Good Life. Though they've been implicated in everything from the obesity crisis to the disintegration of the family, prepared, processed, and prepackaged foods are one of the pillars of the modern pursuit of happiness. (More . . .)

Most people don't particularly like their jobs, even if they claim they do. These days, the usual platitude—"I love what I do"—turns out to be wishful thinking in more cases than not. (More . . .)

Paris is fine, it's just not for me. Paris is a great city. Nobody, in fact—aside from the people stuck in some of the less savory of the city's quasi-suburban outposts—should have anything other than adoration for it. So naturally I feel a little guilty that it isn't my particular cup of tea. (More . . .)

Regular, vigorous exercise is superior to moderate or minimal activity, new study finds. The results of a huge new randomized trial are in, bringing good news to an embattled minority: those who engage in regular, vigorous physical activity. (More . . .)

Human beings remain human in an increasingly gadget-oriented world. Many human tasks—from kitchen garbage management to the application of bandages for minor cuts—have yet to be fully served by the otherwise impressive computer industry. Fortunately, the electronically enhanced illusion of real life that our gadgets gives to us is a powerful consolation. (More . . .)

Advice to all but the super rich: consider opting out of the rat race. For most of us, the modern world, having failed to live up to its promise, is not worth supporting with anything more than the bare minimum of effort. (More . . .)

Hard-working Americans can benefit from a posture of bemused defiance. In today's information economy, the men and women who work—rather than merely write or teach or broker deals for a living—are too often left standing on the sidelines of the debate about what constitutes the future of the American cultural landscape. (More . . .)

Today's cagiest consumers don the protective armor of virtue. It's not easy being politically left in the United States these days and continuing nonetheless to enjoy its many fruits with little or no guilt. But thanks to a relatively easy-to-adopt mantle of virtue, many of us are managing to do just that. (More . . .)

Americans should move to three-and-a-half-hour workday, concludes panel. By an overwhelming majority, a new panel, convened by the author to make recommendations that would forestall global warming, boredom, and other environmental and social problems, recommended gradually phasing in a three-and-a-half-hour workday. (More . . .)

Young, extremely attractive and intelligent American women with money have the brightest futures, according to a new survey. While some measure of personal satisfaction remains available to most U.S. citizens, those who scored highest tended to be young, female, attractive, intelligent, and rich. (More . . .)

Public schools in U.S. keep testing the three R's, hoping to find some sign of American superiority. American schools, nervous that their students don't seem to compete well with the rest of the world, keep testing in hopes of a better result. (More . . .)

Semicolons are more popular than ever, at least in English, according to recent speculation. Thanks to two cultural factors—the switch from pen and paper to the QWERTY keyboard by the majority of English-speaking people who write, on the one hand, and a simultaneous move toward correctness and convenience, on the other—the semicolon is not only here to stay, its use is growing. (More . . .)

Bigger vehicles mean more confidence, especially at highway speeds, according to a recent study. According to recent research conducted by the author, larger vehicles appear to give their drivers an improved sense of safety, especially at higher speeds. (More . . .)

People these days are always busy. It's become a cliché: "I've been keeping pretty busy these days." And, like all clichés, it's so true that it doesn't need to be said. (More . . .)

Americans may be leading the way through a new phase in human evolution. Are human beings, never truly comfortable in nature, finally adapting to an artificial environment? (More . . .)

The majority of homes are too small, according to the results of a new study. Most modern homes provide basic shelter and dining and sleeping areas, and a place to bathe and to eliminate bodily wastes, but too little space to meet most other needs, according to a comprehensive new survey. (More . . .)

Grocery stores, at their best, come to reflect who we are. Fortunately for me, I live in a town that offers a variety of grocery stores to suit practically any lifestyle or mood. Better yet, my two favorites are right next door to each other. (More . . .)

I have nothing to write today. Nothing whatsoever comes to mind. (More . . .)

Global warming should be easy to head off. If you're worried about global warming—especially in the wake of the recent unequivocally depressing international report—then you'll want to read what I have to say. (More . . .)

Gay marriage makes a lot of sense. Leaving aside polygamy, and assuming a minimum age of about sixteen, there are three possible configurations for a marriage: (a) blatantly heterosexual, (b) somewhat gay, and (c) gay. What most opponents of gay marriage fail to realize is that their own marriage is often a lot gayer than they might think. (More . . .)

Islamists and other fundamentalists are not as silly as they seem. In a world where most electronic mail is spam and the majority of Internet traffic is pornographic—in other words, when it is clear that the latest fruits of Enlightenment thinking are far from perfect—a fundamentalist approach makes a lot of sense. (More . . .)

Earlier generations thrived on cigarettes. Cigarette smoke, now increasingly banned in the air and on the ground, was once beneficial to human beings, according to data widely available in a variety of formats, including but not limited to DVDs, VHS tapes, and books. (More . . .)

Chevy Silverado. Ford F-150. Dodge Ram. Extended cab. Crew cab. 4x4. F-250 Super Duty. Ram tough. Long bed. Short bed. Bed liner. Nobody makes anything more American or more manly than the pickup truck. Of course, that doesn't mean that anyone is actually tougher or more masculine just by driving one—for that, you'll need exercise and something that produces good, solid erections—but they sure help boost one's ego. And in today's uncertain times, a stiff shot of self-confidence goes a long way. (More . . .)

Weeding out the low-life from the American dream. Maybe you've wondered how America has been so successful, for the most part, at keeping people from rioting in the streets. Some of it of course is the food. But it's also, you may be surprised to know, the drugs. (More . . .)

George Bush is fit enough to be king. It's difficult to think of our president and not think of birthrights, health and fitness, ranch life, iron-gray hair, and close advisers. It's time to start thinking about his legacy. (More . . .)

Grow two percent per year or die. I've read somewhere that public corporations need to grow at least two percent a year to avoid letting down their shareholders and losing their business. What this means is obvious: successful public corporations—with their need to draw ever more converts into their fold—have the potential to become imperial powers, drawing heathen populations to their temples. (More . . .)

Poetry is okay, it's just not for me. When I read or hear poetry—which I never do unless it's presented as an excerpt in a book or unless you count song lyrics—it goes in one ear and out the other. When I listen to music, I don't care what's being sung as long as it's not too clever and as long as there isn't any political significance to the words. I blame this on my lack of religious upbringing. (More . . .)

SUV ownership: do you qualify? If you're honest with yourself, chances are you'll have to trade in your SUV for a passenger car. SUV ownership makes sense only if you meet or exceed all of the following three criteria: (a) your off-road driving makes up (or will make up) at least 10 percent of your actual SUV mileage; (b) you earn enough money to justify paying extra for gas and, often, for the SUV itself; and (c) you weigh at least 500 pounds and can therefore justify the extra towing capacity typical of such vehicles. You may also qualify if you have served in Iraq. (More . . .)

Old? Take to the hills. Have you ever seen a jogger moving across flat land? Some look great, striding or loping across the terrain, but others sort of shuffle. The bad news is that sooner or later, all of us who continue to run and manage to reach old age will become shufflers. One way to stave off this inevitability is to run up and down hills. (More . . .)

Overpopulation? The world is overpopulated, but not too badly, especially if you live in a country like the United States or in Northern Canada. But if you're stuck in Lagos, Nigeria—especially if you've been around to watch it grow from about 250,000 to in the neighborhood of 15 million since 1950—you understand that there's a problem. (More . . .)